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Supporting our elderly parents

As our parents enter their golden years, we might feel concerned about the changes in
their health. We care deeply for them and supporting their mental health is just as
important as their physical health. This is critical for their overall well-being and helps
them feel valued and cared for.

Read on to find out how we can better support our parents’ mental health and well-being.

Supporting an elderly parent with depression, dementia, stress and other mental health challenges

Tips on supporting our elderly parents

When communicating with our parents, it is useful to take note of the following:

Be patient and supportive

Take time to listen to their feelings, thoughts and needs. Give them the space and time to respond and express what is on their mind. Offering comfort and reassurance can encourage them to share their thoughts with us.

Learn how to provide emotional support to elderly parents facing mental health or mental wellbeing issues

Be respectful

As our parents age, their ability to carry out daily functions may not be as good as before. We should avoid being critical or dismissive when communicating with our elderly parents and understand that they are not children who need parenting.

Be attentive

Our parents might have a hard time asking for support directly for fear of burdening us. Here are some tips we can try to make it easier for them to share their feelings with us:

By observing their body language and paying close attention to their words, we may be able to take notice of what they are really trying to say.
If they convey anxiety or frustration surrounding a particular task, we can ask if they need our assistance.
Even if they may be reluctant to accept our help, we can show that we care and let them know that we are here if they need any support. We can repeat our offer but be mindful not to force the issue unless their safety is at stake.

Be mindful of our tone and volume

We can speak slowly and clearly, using a gentle and calm tone. Speaking loudly might also be distressing for our elderly parents. If they have trouble hearing, we can consider getting them hearing aids or making use of visual aids to facilitate conversations.

Click here to learn more tips on how to navigate challenging conversations with empathy and care, so that we can better support our parents.

Prioritise their well-being

If our parents are acting unusual, neglecting themselves or endangering their own safety, we may have to step in for their best interest.

For example, elderlies with dementia may not be aware that their abilities have changed and that they are unable to perform normal routines safely.

We can try communicating more with them or increasing the frequency of our visits to support and care for them.

Different mental health challenges

Our parents might experience some changes and losses at this stage of their lives which can affect their mental health and well-being. As their child, we can learn about the mental health challenges they might face so that we can better support them.

Sleeping Well

Coping with Stress

Managing Emotions

Managing Dementia

Understanding Depression

Living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Managing Anxiety Disorder

Preventing Self-harm and Suicide

Coping with Grief

Undergoing Transitions

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Understanding Bipolar Disorder

Sleeping Well

Our parents might experience difficulty falling or staying asleep. If we notice them going through this, we can read more about sleep health and useful tips to share with them.

Coping with Stress

Emerging health concerns and life transitions such as retirement or taking care of a new grandchild might bring about stress. It is important that we help our parents manage it before it overwhelms them.

Click here to learn more tips that we can share with our parents about how seniors can manage stress.

Managing Emotions

When things get overwhelming or do not happen as expected, our parents might experience intense emotions. We can help them learn to be more aware of their emotions and manage them better.

Click here to learn more tips that you can share with your parents about managing emotions.

Managing Dementia

1 in every 10 people aged 60 years old and above has dementia. Caring for someone with dementia can be intense and challenging. To learn more about how we can support our elderly parents living with dementia, click here.

Understanding Depression

It is normal to feel sad occasionally but if we notice our parents feeling down over an extended period, they could be suffering from depression. Click here to find out more about depression and how we can better support our parents.

Here are some tips on caring for parents with depression:

Be patient and understanding

Depression can drain a person’s energy and drive. At times, our parents might appear irritable, impatient, or say hurtful things but try to not take it to heart as these may be due to their condition and not necessarily directed at us. For older parents, we should be careful not to dismiss some of these symptoms as part of ageing.

Here are other things to take note of when our parents are not acting in their usual ways:

Empathise with them
Know that they are trying their best
Do not judge or criticise them
Avoid telling them to be positive or “snap out of it”
Refrain from blaming them or pressuring them to get well soon

Look out for warning signs of suicide

People with depression may have an increased risk of suicide . Be prepared by knowing the concerning behaviours to look out for. If our parents display any signs of suicide, take it seriously and consider seeking professional support.

Living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

OCD is one of the top three most common mental health conditions and it can cause distress and anxiety in our parents. To better support them, we can learn more about what they are going through and how to seek help.

Here are some tips on caring for parents with OCD:

Manage our expectations and recognise small improvements

Give our parents the time that they need to improve. Their progress may sometimes seem insignificant to us (e.g. a decrease rather than complete stop in excessively long showers), but it might have taken a lot for them to accomplish.

We can encourage them to keep trying by consistently acknowledging their small accomplishments and praising them.

Avoid scolding or forcing them to stop their compulsive behaviours

Try to remain open and refrain from making negative remarks about their behaviours. Doing so might negatively affect our relationship instead of helping them. Show our support by lending a listening ear and encouraging them to share about their struggles.

Be mindful not to accommodate their obsessive thoughts and compulsions

Avoid offering assurance about their intrusive thoughts or helping them perform certain rituals as it will not be in their best interest in the long term.

It is important to continue maintaining usual routines while not reinforcing OCD behaviours. We can also consider bringing our parents to seek professional help if it interferes with their daily lives.

Managing Anxiety Disorder

It is normal to feel anxious at times but if our parents’ daily lives are affected because they feel excessively anxious, it could be a sign of anxiety disorder. We can learn more about what they are going through and when to seek help to better support them in managing it.

Here are some tips on caring for parents with anxiety disorder:

Understand that supporting avoidance or forcing confrontation are not solutions

Avoidance is not helpful for their anxiety in the long run. Try not to help our parents avoid situations that they are fearful of (e.g. by taking over their task so they can avoid doing them).

However, remember to practise discretion when doing this. If they start to show extreme fear, refrain from forcing them to confront the fear as it could cause them additional distress and affect their trust in us.

Encourage them to focus on things that they can control

Help our parents learn to identify what they can and cannot control. Being able to divert their attention and energy towards what can be controlled will help them improve their situation.

Refrain from asking them to stop worrying

Lend our parents a listening ear and validate their feelings instead of asking them to stop worrying. Let them know that it is okay not to be okay at times. We can also guide them to refocus their attention on other activities, like taking a walk, listening to music or going to a quiet corner where they can calm down.

Preventing Self-harm and Suicide

At this stage of their lives, our parents may experience different forms of change and loss. They may experience worsening health and mobility, loss of loved ones and social connections, or even a loss of income or independence.

Some of these events may cause them to feel lonely, overwhelmed, or stressed. When these feelings become too much to handle, some might hurt or contemplate hurting themselves to seek relief.

Click here to learn more about self-harm and suicide as well as how to help our parents cope with it.

Coping with Grief

There may be times when our parents experience losing someone or something precious to them, such as a family member, a close friend, their job, or even their health. As they express their grief from this loss, they may experience difficult and overwhelming emotions such as sadness or even despair.

To better support our parents, we can learn more about the effects of grief and how we can support them through it. Click here to find out more about coping with grief.

Undergoing Transitions

As our parents enter the later stages of their lives, they will inevitably face changes such as retirement, or adjusting to their loved ones moving out. These might become a source of stress, worry or frustration and may affect their mental and physical health.

Click here to learn useful tips on coping that we can share with them, as we help them through transitions that may occur in their lives.

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Understanding Bipolar Disorder

It is normal to experience mood swings as we go through the ups and downs of life. However, if our parents have persistent and severe changes in mood, it may be a concerning sign of bipolar disorder. To provide them with better support, we can learn more about what they are going through and when to seek help in managing their symptoms.

Here are some tips on caring for parents with bipolar disorder:

Make plans to prepare for difficult episodes

Mood episodes can be unpredictable and last for days, weeks, or even longer. This can disrupt and cause significant challenges to the daily lives of our parents. Help them identify their triggers, symptoms, and warning signs to discuss ways we can help them to better manage their episodes.

Encourage them to seek treatment

Bipolar disorder can be effectively treated with medication and support from healthcare professionals. Reassure our parents and let them know that we will be there to support them. We can also help them adhere to their prescribed treatments by attending appointments with them or reminding them to take their medications.

Be aware of the warning signs of suicide

Our parents with bipolar disorder may have an increased risk of suicide. We can stay alert and prepared by learning to look out for concerning behaviours.

Self-care matters

Caring for our elderly parents can be tiring and frustrating at times. This can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being. Ultimately, the lack of self-care will make it more difficult for us to care for them. This is also why we should not feel guilty about attending to our needs.

Practising and prioritising self-care allows us to recharge and be ready to provide our parents with the support they need. Refer to these tips on managing stress and emotions to keep ourselves healthy.

CONTRIBUTED BY

Health Promotion Board

MindSG

Supporting our elderly parents

Tips on supporting our elderly parents

Different mental health challenges

Sleeping Well

Coping with Stress

Managing Emotions

Managing Dementia

Understanding Depression

Living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Managing Anxiety Disorder

Preventing Self-harm and Suicide

Coping with Grief

Undergoing Transitions