- Helplines
- Understanding self-harm and suicide
- What is self-harm?
- Why would someone self-harm?
- Understanding self-harming behaviours
- How can we stop self-harm?
- What is suicide?
- What contributes to the risk of suicide?
- How can we reduce the risk of suicide?
- What are the warning signs of suicide?
- How can we manage suicidal tendencies?
- Mental health services
Understanding self-harm and suicide
The teenage years could be a challenging phase for many of us. Be it the hurdles we face in our studies or the changes in our body due to puberty – these challenges can feel unpredictable, daunting, and stressful at times.
Stress is a common experience for everyone. Some manage their stress by talking to friends and family, while others may find it overwhelming.
When our emotions are not expressed and are instead suppressed, the pressure could build up and become unbearable. Some of us may take it out on ourselves and our bodies to express the thoughts and feelings we may not say aloud.
Let’s read on to find out what self-harm and suicide are about and how we can cope.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm means to cause harm to one’s body on purpose. It is a form of maladaptive coping behaviour (poor patterns of behaviour to cope with the situation) that may accidentally result in serious injury or even death.
Examples of self-harm behaviours are:
Why do people self-harm?
Some reasons why a person could harm themself:
Distracting oneself from difficult situations, experiences, or emotions
A temporary form of relief from intense and painful emotional or psychological distress
A self-punishment due to feelings of guilt or shame from past traumatic experiences
A way of regaining some sense of control in their lives (e.g. being able to decide when, where and how to hurt oneself)
There are several stressors that can make someone more vulnerable to hurting themselves. Be mindful of the person’s behaviour if they are facing any of these stressors:
School or workplace pressures (e.g. heavy workload or bullying)
Relationship problems (e.g. with family, friends, or romantic partners)
Confusion and insecurity about self (e.g. one’s identity and role)
Transitional changes (e.g. changing schools or stepping out into the workforce)
Financial difficulties (e.g. inability to find a job, debt, or retrenchment)
Bereavement and grief (e.g. losing a loved one to death, divorce or breakup)
Mental health conditions
(e.g. depression and anxiety)
Social isolation
Alcohol or drug use
Left unchecked, constant self-harming can become a habit due to the sense of relief it may bring. However, this sense of relief is only temporary. It cannot help with the issues that make someone want to hurt themself in the first place.
It is important to remember that self-harm is dangerous – a cut too deep or a drug overdose could put a person’s life at risk.
Understanding self-harming behaviour
Self-harm is often done as a way to cope with intense and painful emotions. Identifying and understanding what leads to thoughts of self-harm is the first step to coping better and stopping self-harm. For those who associate self-harm with comfort and a sense of control, this could be a challenging process.
One way to stop self-harm is to come up with reasons for and against self-harming. Listing down the reasons and understanding them provides a clearer picture of the intention and consequences of one’s actions. Doing so can lead to well-thought-out decisions on why one should reduce (or even stop) self-harming actions.
Some reasons to discourage self-harming behaviour include:
“I have to constantly hide my injuries from others.”
“It doesn’t help to solve the problems I have.”
“I might end up hurting myself more than I intended.”
“The scars and injuries to my body can be permanent.”
From a sense of comfort to control, some of these common reasons for self-harm can appear convincing. However, seeing the reasons against self-harm can help one realise that the reasons for self-harm may not be as valid as initially thought. For example:
Even though hurting myself may give me a sense of comfort at the beginning, it does not help me solve my issues.
Going for a run can give me the sense of control and comfort I want too.
Overall, this process can help someone come to an informed decision about their self-harming behaviours.
How can one stop self-harm?
Self-harming behaviour is a response to one's feelings and thoughts. While the first step to keep one from hurting themselves is to identify and understand what leads to thoughts of self-harm, there are also other measures they may consider to protect themselves.
This means throwing away or asking a trusted friend or adult to store away objects that can cause self-harm. If they are daily household items, reach out to family members to keep those items locked away.
Here are some positive coping techniques to try:
Exercise regularly
Exercise not only improves our health but releases endorphins (‘feel good’ hormones) that can elevate our mood. Check out these exercise ideas to stay active.
Mindfulness
Pay attention to the present moment, to our thoughts and feelings without any judgement.
Note: While some people benefit from mindfulness practices, some may experience adverse effects such as increased anxiety or dissociation, especially when practised in an unsupervised manner. It is important to practise mindfulness under the supervision and guidance of trained personnel, especially for children, teens and youths.
Learn relaxation exercises and guided imagery
Pick up deep breathing exercises as a method of relaxation. Follow the audio exercises or the steps below:
Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just above your belly button
Take a deep breath slowly through your nose for 5 counts, feel your stomach rise
Breathe out slowly for 5 counts, breathe out fully
Repeat until you feel relaxed
Practise progressive muscle relaxation where a group of muscles is tensed as we breathe in and relaxed as we breathe out. Follow the audio exercise or follow the steps below:
Sit comfortably on a chair
Scrunch up your face for 5 seconds, then relax it
Raise your shoulders up to touch your ears for 5 seconds, then relax them
Clench your fists and tighten your arms for 5 seconds, then relax them
Take a deep breath and suck your stomach in for 5 seconds, then relax
Raise your legs and curl your toes for 5 seconds, then relax them
Breathe in slowly through your nose and breathe out slowly
Other exercises:
Some may try to hide their actions or injuries to avoid confrontation or rejection. There might be the worry that their friends or family do not understand their reason for self-harm, becoming angry with them or rejecting them as a result.
But confiding in someone can be a huge relief as the person we reach out to might be able to provide some help or even be a source of support through this difficult period. The act of speaking to someone about troubles and problems is a great way of coping.
When talking to someone about self-harming behaviours, one can talk about the reasons, causes, and emotions that led to those acts of self-harm.
Sometimes, what was shared may come across as a shock to the other party, resulting in them not responding in a manner we expect them to. Try to understand their situation, and give them time to process what was shared.
Seeking support from mental health professionals helps as they can provide professional advice such as safety plans and healthy coping methods.
Let’s learn more about suicide, an extreme form of self-harm
Suicide is the intentional act of ending one’s life. While people who self-harm usually do not intend to kill themselves or die, constant self-harm can increase the risk of suicidal tendencies.
Before the act of suicide, suicidal thoughts and behaviours may occur. These include having thoughts of ending one’s life, planning suicide, and enacting the plan. However, some suicidal behaviours may occur suddenly and impulsively.
What increases the risk of suicide?
Some factors that increase the risk of suicidal behaviour can include:
Family history of suicide
History of trauma or abuse
Existing mental
health conditions
Dealing with multiple stressors over a prolonged period (e.g. relationship problems, unrealistic pressure, financial worries)
Social isolation or rejection
Unrealistic expectations
from ourselves or others
While these factors do not necessarily cause one to attempt suicide, they can increase the risk of suicidal tendencies. A combination of multiple “causes” may also heighten this risk.
What reduces the risk of suicide?
Strong and supportive
relationships with family,
friends and mentors
Life skills such as problem-
solving skills, coping skills,
ability to adapt to change
Beliefs that discourage suicide
(e.g. cultural or religious)
Healthy self-esteem
Sense of purpose, hope and meaning in life
Limited access to lethal means
What can one do when struggling with suicidal tendencies?
Let us remind ourselves to appreciate every moment, and learn to accept the fact that life is short and we need to make the most out of it. Overcoming our struggles will take determination, persistence and time. But it is far from an impossible task, especially with the help of the people we love and trust. When overwhelmed with stress, know that there are always people around us that can help us as long as we reach out.
