Making a difference by supporting others with empathy

Throughout our lives, some of us may experience hardships and tough periods. When those we care for encounter such challenges, we may notice them acting differently or showing signs that they are struggling. Here’s where we can play an important role in reaching out with empathy and providing the support they need.

Knowing there is someone who makes us feel heard and understood, can help us cope better with our struggles. Find out how we can better support those we care for.Knowing there is someone who makes us feel heard and understood, can help us cope better with our struggles. Read on to find out how we can better support those we care for.

What is empathy?

Empathy is the ability to share and understand someone's feelings by putting ourselves in their shoes.
Empathy helps us connect with others and build trust.

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and acknowledge the feelings of others. It helps you connect with others, through their emotions or experiences.

Sympathy is when you feel pity or sorrow for someone’s struggles or hardships. However, it does not mean you fully understand how they feel, or see from their perspective.

Misconceptions about empathy

What people may think:

To demonstrate empathy, we need to share the same experiences or circumstances as the other person.

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But the truth is...

While sharing similar experiences can help us feel closer, doing so immediately could take the focus away from the person sharing, and make them feel unheard.

Instead, when we listen actively and acknowledge their feelings, we allow them to feel heard, while forming better connections with them.

What people may think:

To demonstrate empathy, we need to provide a solution to the person’s problem.

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But the truth is...

Often, simply listening and showing you care can be more impactful than providing a solution.

It’s important to consider the individual’s needs and preferences. Sometimes, they just need someone to listen and acknowledge their feelings so they feel comfortable to share what’s on their mind, rather than offering a specific fix.

What people may think:

Empathy can only be demonstrated in challenging situations.

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But the truth is...

Empathy can be shown in both challenging and positive moments in people’s lives.

In moments of joy, we can show empathy by celebrating with others, expressing genuine happiness for their achievements and understanding their emotions.

Empathy is about being present and connecting with others on an emotional level, regardless of the nature of the situation.

Why is empathy important?

How empathy brings us closer to others?

Empathy is a key step in building positive relationships. It can make a difference to the ones we support, because it helps us understand and relate to others.

What happens when we empathise with someone?

We not only understand their emotions, but also experience a sense of connection and fulfilment. This triggers the release of oxytocin, the hormone that promotes feelings of trust, bonding and overall well-being.

How does empathy benefit us?

For the person receiving support, it helps them realise they are not alone, gives them comfort, and could even encourage them to overcome their challenges. For the supporter, it can lead to better mental well-being, which, in turn, encourages further empathetic behaviours.

By regularly practicing empathy, we not only strengthen our well-being, but also contribute to a more supportive community.

How do we recognise who
needs support?

As it may not always be obvious when someone we care for is having a hard time, we can look out for them by
paying attention to:

Changes in their mood

For example:

Appearing to be moodier than usual
Looking concerned and worried
Frequent emotional or anger outbursts such as crying, feeling irritable or a sense of worthlessness

Changes in
their behaviour

For example:

Not functioning well in daily activities (e.g. change in attitude with homework submission or avoidance of work tasks)
Not functioning well in social settings (e.g. frequently missing out on social events)
Becoming disinterested in activities and things previously enjoyed
Experiencing significant changes to appetite (either increase or decrease)
Appearing constantly tired despite getting sufficient sleep
Having difficulties concentrating

Events in their life that
could affect them

For example:

Health issues
Rough financial times
Major transitions in life (e.g. change of schools or work environments, retirement)

Events in their life that could affect them

Changes in their mood

Changes in
their behaviour

Events in their life that
could affect them

Are we ready to support others?

To better support someone in need, we can ask ourselves:

Are we in the best position to help?

Consider if we are in the right headspace to offer assistance
Check that we have sufficient time to meet their needs

Are our expectations managed well?

Understand that it may be difficult for people to open up and talk about their struggles
Be mindful to have patience when hearing them out
Remember the purpose of our support (i.e. to provide a listening ear, be a comforting presence, or simply to let them know we are there for them whenever they feel like sharing)

If we do not think we are ready, we can ask someone who can offer better support to do so instead.

QUIZ

Discover your
supporting style

Curious about how you support others? Try this fun quiz to find out what your style is and learn some tips to
boost your supportive skills!

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How can we provide support?

When supporting others, starting a conversation can be the hardest part. To make it easier, we can keep in mind to:

Pick an appropriate time for the conversation

Let them know why we would like to have a conversation with them

Choose a quiet environment with enough privacy so that we can help them feel comfortable

To show our support for them, we can also act with CARE. Click on the CARE buttons below to learn what they stand for:

C

A

R

E

Show Concern

Express that we care and want to help.

Let them know we hear what they are going through and offer them support through what we say. For example, we can try saying:

“I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to or if you need any help.”
“It must be tough on you. I’m here with you and let’s try to get through this together.”

We should also respond to our peers with honesty and by being genuine, even if it means acknowledging that we are unsure or uncertain. For example, we could say,

“I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you, but I’m here to support you in any way I can,” or
“I don’t have all the answers, but I’m willing to listen and be here for you.”

This shows our genuine care for them, and shows that while we may not have all the answers, we still truly want to support them.

Actively Listen

Give them our full attention and show them that we are interested in what they are sharing with us.

Remove all distractions such as our devices to show that we are fully focused on what they have to say.

Reassure them that we are listening using verbal cues, such as:

“I hear what you’re saying.”
“Go on, I want to hear more on that.”

Use our body language such as S.O.L.E.R. to show that we are interested and paying attention:

Sit squarely facing them
This means positioning yourself to face the person you are talking to directly. It indicates that you’re attentive and ready to engage in the conversation.
Have an Open posture
Maintaining an open posture involves keeping your arms uncrossed and your body relaxed. This posture helps to make the other person feel more comfortable and encouraged to speak freely.
Lean forward
Make Eye contact
Be Relaxed

Respond Effectively

Communicate well to create a safe space that encourages someone to trust and open up to us. This
involves knowing what to say and when to say it during the conversation.

Instead of:

Asking close-ended questions such as:

“You feel sad, right?”
“Are you feeling better today?”

Limiting the conversation to simple yes or no responses can hinder the exploration of thoughts and feelings.

We can try:

Using open-ended questions to encourage them to share more. For example, we can say:

“How are you feeling today?”
“How’s it going?”
“What’s up? You seem a bit down. What’s on your mind?”
“How does that make you feel?”

Instead of:

Jumping to conclusions, offering advice they didn’t ask for, or trying to problem-solve for them, such as saying:

“If I were you, I would do this…”
“You should…”

We can try:

Letting them express how they feel without interrupting them.

Instead of:

Continuously prompting them to get a response, such as saying:

“I can’t help you if you don’t want to share.”
“I can’t read your mind.”

We can try:

Accepting silences during the conversation as this could mean:

They need more time to think.
They need a few moments to manage their emotions.

For example, we can say:

“It’s okay to take some time for yourself to process your emotions. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”

Be Empathetic

Empathy can help us to connect better and build trust with others. It is a learnable skill, which
through practice, can help to get you better at understanding and sharing someone’s feelings.

Acknowledge their emotions

This does not mean we are agreeing with their words or actions – instead it shows we understand, respect and accept their feelings/experience without judgement. To acknowledge their feelings, we can show we understand their Point of View by saying:

“It must be very overwhelming with all the responsibilities you’re juggling right now.”
“It takes a lot of courage to share your feelings like this. I’m proud of you for being open with me.”
“It seems like you feel you’re not good enough right now, I hope you know that your feelings matter.”
“It’s okay to feel angry about how they treated you. Your feelings are valid.”

Pay attention to their underlying emotions

Notice the words they use or the expressions they show – they can give you insights into how they truly feel. Reflect what you observe about their underlying emotions back to them. For example, you might say:

“It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated about this situation.”
“I can see why this is making you feel sad.”

Clarify your understanding

When we can’t understand how someone is feeling right away, we can try to clarify if we heard them correctly or get them to elaborate with:

“If I heard you correctly, you are feeling frustrated and angry because of …”
“It seems like you feel disappointed because of …, can you tell me more about it?”
“If I’m hearing you right, you mean…”
“Based on what you are saying, I get that you’re going through a lot with …”

Make it about them

Try to see from their perspectives instead of our own. We can also invite them to share their own experience to help us get a better understanding. For example, we can say:

“It’s okay to feel overwhelmed or upset. Let’s talk about what’s going on.”
“This seems like a tough situation for you. Tell me more.”

Avoid dominating the conversation

Avoid interpreting other’s experiences through our own perspectives, or sharing our own experiences/solutions. These may make them feel unheard or invalidated. For example, avoid saying:

“When I was in the same situation, I did…”
“Based on my experience, I would do this…”

Avoid trivialising

When we dismiss their situation or feelings by forcing our opinions on them, we may unintentionally make them doubt their problems or themselves. Hence, avoid saying:

“It’s not that serious, stop overthinking.”
“There are others who have it worse.”
“It is not that bad, I had it worse than you”

Avoid toxic positivity

Toxic positivity happens when we try to stay positive all the time while ignoring the bad or sad. For example, it’s toxic positivity when you tell someone facing work-stress:

“Just stay positive,”
“Everything happens for a reason.”

This can make them feel like their problems aren’t important or like they’re not allowed to feel sad or angry.

Toxic positivity can also make it difficult for people to express how they really feel and discourages them to seek support.

Show Concern

Actively Listen

Respond Effectively

Be Empathetic

How can we
follow up after
our conversation?

After lending our ear to someone, it is a good idea to follow up and check in on them again to see how
they are doing after.

However, avoid giving promises we can't be certain of keeping just to make someone feel better in the
moment. For instance, saying “I will always be here for you 24/7” could be overpromising, as it is
understandably difficult to be available at all times.

Making empty promises can hurt them later, it's better to be honest and offer support without making
commitments we can't keep. Being truthful helps build trust and shows respect for others. What we can do instead:

Encourage Action

Motivate them to try out something that makes them feel better.
Help them learn how to care for their mental well-being by sharing these resources with them.

Try saying:

“What have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”
“What’s something you can do for yourself right now to make you feel better?”

Stay in touch

Stay in touch and be there for them.
Add a reminder to our calendars to reconnect with them. If we think they are struggling, get in touch earlier.

Try saying:

“It’s been a while since we caught up. How have you been?”

Set healthy boundaries

Setting healthy boundaries (clearly defining what you can and cannot offer in terms of support), ensures that you maintain a balance between helping others and taking care of yourself.
This might involve establishing limits on the time and energy you can dedicate to supporting others, as well as being clear about your role and responsibilities.

Advise them to seek professional help

Some conversations may be too big for us to take on alone. If we notice someone who is feeling low for more than two weeks, encourage them to seek professional help.

Encourage Action
Learn more
Stay in touch
Learn more
Set healthy boundaries
Learn more
Advise them to seek professional help
Learn more

How can we better support seniors?

As seniors enter their golden years, we may start to see changes in their health and lifestyles. When supporting them,
we can care for their mental well-being just like we would their physical health. To do so, we can:

Be mindful of their preferred language or dialect.

Seniors often feel more at ease and respected when we can communicate in their preferred languages or dialects. Speaking their language can reduce misunderstandings and strengthen bonds of trust and connection.

By taking the initiative to communicate in a manner that seniors find most comfortable, even if it’s through our body language, we can provide better support and improve their overall well-being.

Be more observant

They may feel reluctant to speak up in fear of being a burden. To make it easier for them to share their troubles with us, we can try being more sensitive to their behaviours.

For example, we can:

Observe their body language to better understand their feelings and thoughts
Break the ice by asking simple questions like “Have you eaten?”

Be patient

Sometimes, seniors may face difficulties communicating due to language barriers, troubles with their hearing, or dementia. We should try to be empathetic and patient with them as well as accommodate them where we can.

For example, we can:

Try to speak slowly and use simple words
Repeat ourselves patiently (avoid getting frustrated or angry even if we need to do so more than once)
Rephrase our words or sentence structures to ensure understanding
Use other tools like writing or gestures to convey our message

Stay in touch

We can also support seniors by spending time with them. This makes them feel cared for and allows us to connect with them.

For example, we can:

Bring them out for a meal or drink
Schedule outings together with them
Check-in with them through visits or regular phone calls (if we do not live with them)
Accompany them to places where they may have the opportunity to foster new friendships

Supporting ourselves while
caring for others

Supporting those around us while juggling our own life’s demands can take a toll on our physical and mental well-being and make it harder for us to support those we care for. Hence, it is important for us to practise and prioritise self-care. It is also important to remember that there is no need to feel guilty about attending to our needs.

Refer to these tips on managing stress and emotions to keep ourselves healthy.

Useful resources and services

Thinking of checking in with someone you care for? Try these tools, chat stickers, and other useful resources to
help prepare and manage the conversation with ease.

Chat Stickers
Educational Tools
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Supportive Cards
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