- Helplines
- Understanding self-harm and suicide
- What is self-harm?
- Why would someone self-harm?
- Understanding self-harming behaviours
- How can we stop self-harm?
- What is suicide?
- What contributes to the risk of suicide?
- How can we reduce the risk of suicide?
- What are the warning signs of suicide?
- How can we manage suicidal tendencies?
- Mental health services
Understanding self-harm and suicide
As an adult, we may be amid the hustle and bustle of daily lives, where we are met with a fair share of challenges and issues. Be it financial worries, juggling family commitments or pressure at work, these challenges can bring about strong feelings of stress, self-doubt, uncertainty and fear.
While these experiences can be very unsettling at times, some may try to manage them by talking to friends and family. Others may take it out on themselves and their bodies to express the thoughts and feelings not said aloud.
Let’s read on to find out what self-harm and suicide are about and how we can cope.
What is self-harm?
Self-harm means to cause harm or injury to one’s body on purpose, usually as a way to cope with difficult or distressing thoughts and feelings. Some examples of self-harm behaviours are:
Why do people self-harm?
Some people may harm themselves to cope with intense emotions and distressing situations. Here are reasons why
they may harm themselves:
To distract oneself from difficult situations, experiences, or emotions
A form of relief from intense and painful emotional or psychological distress
A self-punishment due to feelings of guilt or shame from past traumatic experiences
A way of regaining some sense of control in their lives (e.g. being able to decide when, where and how to hurt oneself)
To experience a temporary sense of relief
A means of self-validation (e.g. validating one’s strength or degree of suffering)
There are several stressors that can make someone more vulnerable to hurting themselves. Be mindful of the person’s behaviour if they are facing any of these stressors:
Workplace pressures (e.g. heavy workload or bullying)
Financial difficulties (e.g. inability to find a job, debt, or retrenchment)
Relationship problems (e.g. with family, friends, or romantic partners)
Bereavement and grief (e.g. losing a loved one to death, divorce or breakup)
Mental health conditions
(e.g. depression and anxiety)
Past traumatic experience
Alcohol or drug use
Confusion and insecurity about self (e.g. one’s identity and role)
When left unchecked, constant self-harming can become a habit due to the sense of relief it may bring. However, this sense of relief is only temporary. It does not address the issues that make someone self-harm.
It is important to remember that self-harm is dangerous – a cut too deep or a drug overdose could put a person’s life at risk.
Understanding self-harming behaviour
Understanding what causes self-harm thoughts is the first step in coping better and stopping self-harm behaviours. Let’s be mindful not to associate self-harm with comfort and control, as this could make quitting harder.
One way we can try to stop self-harm is to list the reasons for and against it. This helps us clarify our intentions and its consequences, allowing us to make well-informed decisions on why we should reduce (or even stop) self-harming.
Some reasons to discourage self-harming behaviour:
“It might cause more physical and mental harm to me in the long run.”
“I might end up hurting myself more than I intended.”
“The scars and injuries to my body can be permanent.”
“It doesn’t help to solve the problems I have.”
“I have to constantly hide my injuries from others.”
“I will feel worse after hurting myself.”
From providing comfort to control, these reasons for self-harm initially appear convincing. However, seeing and rationalising the reasons against self-harm can help us realise that it may not be the best way to cope, and that relief can be derived from other activities. For example:
While self-harm may provide temporary comfort, it does not solve my issues.
Going for a walk can also give me the control and comfort I desire.
How can one stop self-harming behaviour?
Self-harming behaviour is a response to one’s feelings and thoughts. While the first step to keep one from hurting themselves is to identify and understand what leads to thoughts of self-harm, there are also other measures they may consider to protect themselves.
Throw away objects that can cause self-harm or ask a trusted friend or family member to help store them away. If these are daily household items, they can help to lock these items away.
Triggers are what gives one the urge to hurt themselves like:
- People
- Situations
- Occasions (e.g. anniversaries)
- Specific thoughts or feelings (e.g. being bullied)
Urges include physical sensations like:
- Racing heart, shallow breaths
- Strong emotions (e.g. sadness, despair, anger)
- Repetitive thoughts about harming oneself to feel better
- Feelings of disconnectedness or numbness
Noting down what had happened before someone self-harms can help them recognise their triggers and urges. This can help them manage these urges when they occur again.
For someone facing difficulties in identifying their emotions, they can use the feelings tracker to explore how they are feeling and understand it better by using the emotions explorer.
One can distract themselves with other activities to manage distressing emotions or thoughts in the moment.
Some activities to consider include:
Taking a walk
Journaling
Taking a shower
Talking to family or friends
Listening to
songs or music
Watching a show
Eating some favourite food
Here are some coping techniques we can try to help us feel more positive:
Exercise regularly
Exercise not only improves our health but releases endorphins (‘feel good’ hormones) that can elevate our mood. Check out these exercise ideas to stay active.
Mindfulness
Pay attention to the present moment, to our thoughts and feelings without any judgement.
Note: While some people benefit from mindfulness practices, some may experience adverse effects such as increased anxiety or dissociation, especially when practised in an unsupervised manner. It is important to practise mindfulness under the supervision and guidance of trained personnel, especially for children, teens and youths.
Learn relaxation exercises and guided imagery
Pick up deep breathing exercises as a method of relaxation. Follow the audio exercises or the steps below:
Place one hand on your upper chest and the other just above your belly button
Take a deep breath slowly through your nose for 5 counts, feel your stomach rise
Breathe out slowly for 5 counts, breathe out fully
Repeat until you feel relaxed
Practise progressive muscle relaxation where a group of muscles is tensed as we breathe in and relaxed as we breathe out. Follow the audio exercise or follow the steps below:
Sit comfortably on a chair
Scrunch up your face for 5 seconds, then relax it
Raise your shoulders up to touch your ears for 5 seconds, then relax them
Clench your fists and tighten your arms for 5 seconds, then relax them
Take a deep breath and suck your stomach in for 5 seconds, then relax
Raise your legs and curl your toes for 5 seconds, then relax them
Breathe in slowly through your nose and breathe out slowly
Other exercises:
It is understandable to want to hide our actions or injuries to avoid confrontation or rejection, and to fear that others would not understand why we self-harm.
But confiding in others can be a huge relief as they could be a source of support and help us through our difficulties.
We could speak to them about the reasons and emotions behind our self-harming behaviours.
Sometimes, these may shock our loved ones, and they may respond in unexpected ways. We could try to be understanding and allow them time to process.
Seeking support from mental health professionals helps as they can provide professional advice such as safety plans and healthy coping methods.
Let’s learn more about suicide, an extreme form of self-harm
Suicide is the intentional act of ending one’s life. While people who self-harm usually do not intend to end their lives, constant self-harm can increase the risk of developing suicidal tendencies.
Before the act of suicide, suicidal thoughts and behaviours may occur. These include having thoughts of ending one’s life, planning suicide, and enacting the plan. However, some suicidal behaviours may occur suddenly and impulsively.
But help is available and suicides can be prevented.
What increases the risk of suicide?
Suicide is complex and usually results from multiple factors such as:
Family history of suicide or previous suicide attempts
History of trauma or abuse
Existing mental
health conditions
Dealing with multiple stressors over a prolonged period (e.g. relationship problems, unrealistic pressure, financial worries, school/work difficulties)
Social isolation or rejection
Unrealistic expectations from ourselves or others
Facing legal or criminal charges
While these factors do not necessarily cause one to attempt suicide, they increase the risk of suicidal tendencies — especially when they are combined. It is important for us to understand and notice these behaviours to reduce the risk of suicidal behaviour.
What reduces the risk of suicide?
A sense of connectedness
to others including
family, friends, and colleagues
Life skills such as problem-
solving skills, coping skills,
adaptability to change
Beliefs that discourage suicide
(e.g. cultural or religious)
Healthy self-esteem
Sense of purpose or meaning in life
Limited access to lethal means
Responsibility to family
What can one do when struggling
with suicidal tendencies?
Always prioritise safety first
Reach out to a trusted family member or friend
Seek professional help
Have a safety plan in place
Have hope things can get better
Go easy with expectations
Develop self-kindness
Practise gratitude
Let us remind ourselves to appreciate every moment, and learn to accept the fact that life is short and we need to make the most out of it.
Overcoming our struggles will take determination, persistence and time. It can be made easier with the help of the people we love and trust.
When overwhelmed with emotions, know that there are always people around us who can help us as long as we reach out.
