- Spotting the early signs
- Helplines
- What is emotional health
- Understanding our teen's behavioural changes
- How to know if our teen is struggling
- Understanding self-harm
- What is suicide?
- What contributes to the risk of suicide?
- How can we reduce the risk of suicide?
- Signs of self-harm and suicide
- Spotting concerning behaviours
- How can we support our teen emotionally?
- How to help our emotionally struggling teen
- When do we seek professional help?
- Preventing self-harm
- How can we help with sucidal tendencies?
- Managing stress and burnout while caregiving
- Useful resources to help our teen
- Mental health services
Spot the warning signs
Life can get overwhelming for our teen at times. When it does, some might consider self-harm or other extreme means to end their pain. Let’s learn to spot the warning signs of self-harm and suicide so that we can provide them with the support they need. Take any mention of suicide seriously and remember that help is always available.
What is emotional health?
As parents, we always have our teen’s best interests at heart. We prepare them for adulthood by nurturing their social skills, helping them navigate the challenges of adolescence, and providing support for their emotional health and well-being.
Emotional health is an important part of mental health. Having good emotional health does not mean one is always happy; emotionally healthy people experience a variety of emotions too. However, they are able to cope with life’s challenges, keep problems in perspective, feel good about themselves and have good relationships.
Let’s read on to learn to identify the warning signs that our teen’s emotional health may be suffering and how we can help.
Understand what’s normal and
what’s not of teen behaviour
As our teen enters adolescence, many of them might experience some change in behaviour as they try to define their new identity. At this stage, their friends also become extremely important and have a great influence over them.
As our teen focuses more on their peers, it might become common for them to spend less time with us. This might leave us feeling a little hurt but it doesn’t mean that they don’t need our support and love.
However, if the changes are more unusual and extreme, it might be a tell-tale sign that our teen is struggling emotionally.
Teens might be tempted to experiment with new things…
Teens might be tempted to experiment with new things.
Some examples may include:
- Trying new experiences like thrill rides (e.g. bungy jump)
- Trying new looks to keep up with fashion trends
- Playing new games to keep up with social trends
- Dating around
- Trying different diet fads
Teens can be more rebellious at this stage and refuse to take...
Teens can be more rebellious at this stage and refuse to take instructions like they used to. Some defiance is normal as teens increasingly seek independence.
Some examples may include:
- Wanting to go out with their friends
- Having differing opinions with parents which might lead to disagreements
Hormones and developmental changes during puberty often...
Hormones and developmental changes during puberty often mean that our teen might experience mood swings and display irritable behaviour from time to time.
Teens have the tendency to sleep later due to various factors...
Teens have the tendency to sleep later due to various factors, including changes to biological clock during puberty.
Most teens would have access to smartphones or electronic...
Most teens would have access to smartphones or electronic devices such as tablets, personal computers etc.
It is common for teens to use social media or play online games to interact with their friends, and to learn more about their interests— these can have a positive impact on their well-being.
Most teens value privacy and are somewhat secretive about...
Most teens value privacy and are somewhat secretive about what they are doing.
It is also normal for them to want to make their own day-to-day decisions without parental input, which may be why some teens choose to occasionally keep things from us.
Learn more about the early signs that our teen is struggling emotionally here.
Signs and symptoms that our teen
may be struggling emotionally
If we notice any of these signs from our teen, it might mean that they need our support:
What is self-harm?
Self-harm means to cause harm to one’s body on purpose. It is a form of maladaptive coping behaviour (poor patterns of behaviour to cope with the situation) that may accidentally result in serious injury or even death. Some common examples of self-harm behaviour are:
Why do people self-harm?
Some reasons why a person could harm themself:
Left unchecked, constant self-harming can become a habit due to the sense of relief it may bring. However, this sense of relief is only temporary. It cannot help with the issues that make someone want to hurt themself in the first place.
It is important to remember that self-harm is dangerous – a cut too deep or a bad reaction to a drug could put a person’s life at risk.
While people who self-harm usually do not intend to end their lives, constant self-harm can increase the risk of suicidal tendencies.
Let’s learn more about suicide,
an extreme form of self-harm
Before the act of suicide, suicidal thoughts and behaviours may occur. They include having thoughts of ending one’s life, planning suicide, and enacting the plan. However, some suicidal behaviours may occur suddenly and impulsively.
What increases the risk of suicide?
Some factors that increase the risk of suicidal behaviour can include:
health conditions
(e.g. friendship/
from ourselves or others
While these factors do not necessarily cause one to attempt suicide, they can increase the risk of suicidal tendencies. A combination of multiple “causes” may also heighten this risk.
What reduces the risk of suicide?
(e.g. cultural or religious)
How can we recognise self-harm and suicide?
Most teens who engage in self-harm tend to hide their actions or injuries to avoid confrontation or rejection. They may feel ashamed, confused or afraid about their actions.
They might also worry that we may not understand their reason for self-harm, and as a result become angry about it or would reject them. This might make it difficult for us to know whether our teen is self-harming.
These are some indications of the possibility of self-harm:
(e.g. wearing long sleeved clothing, pants or jackets even in hot weather, not wanting to change around others, avoiding physical activities such as swimming)
If we discover that our teen is displaying some signs that they may be engaging in self-harm, it is important to remain calm and not jump to conclusions or confront them immediately. Understandably, as parents, we are worried but our reactions may unintentionally add on to their stress or cause them to be even more withdrawn. We should give them a chance to open up voluntarily.
There are warning signs to suicide. Here are some examples of what someone considering suicide may say or do:
(e.g. posts on social media/diaries/letters)
Quiz: Understanding behaviours of concern
Try spotting the behaviours of concern using this quiz. There may be more than one correct response to the questions.
- Which of the following mood changes is/are warning sign(s)?
- Which of the following is/are sign(s) that a teen is withdrawing socially?
- Which of the following is/are behaviour of concern(s)?
- Which of the following may be sign(s) of emotional struggle?
- Which of the following is a/are warning sign(s) that a teen might be stressed?
- Which of the following is a sign of self-harm behaviour?
How can we support our teen emotionally?
As we grow with our teen, parents play an important role in showing them life skills, role-modelling and demonstrating to them coping, problem solving and help-seeking skills. Here are some tips that can help foster a stronger relationship with our teen.
Find opportunities to check in
Look for ways to check in with our teen and find the right time and moment to engage them.
Ask them how their day has been and what they have been doing.
We can also talk to them about their latest interests and hobbies. For example, we may want to invite them to join in a task, such as laying the table for dinner, so we can use the time to chat about their day.
Practise active listening
When our teen starts a conversation, we may wish to stop what we are doing to listen. Stay focused on the conversation and show genuine respect for what they are saying. This sends the message that we are genuinely interested in what’s going on in their life.
Observe for tell-tale signs if our teen is not keen to talk
If they prefer to keep to themselves, we may let them know that we are available for them whenever they need.
In the meantime, we could observe for tell-tale signs that they may not be coping emotionally. If we are concerned, we could proactively check in with them.
Provide assurance and support
We could remind them that we are always here for them and that we are interested to know how they are feeling and what they are thinking.
We can encourage them to reach out to us and let them know we are here to support them.
Respect their privacy and give them space
The desire for more privacy is a natural part of growing up as our teen is developing independence and new social interests.
We could give our teen the appropriate time and space to be on their own.
At the same time, we may want to balance this with ground rules such as curfews and that they should let us know whom they are going out with and where they will be.
Schedule time to spend with our teen
Take interest in what they enjoy doing and do it together. For example, we could go out for meals, or engage in sports with them. This not only shows we care about them but allows for opportunities for conversations to happen naturally.
Practising these tips on a regular basis can help us stay close, maintain open communication and a positive relationship with our teen, this way they are more likely to share with us when they are facing difficulties. It also makes it easier to notice warning signs when they are acting differently or struggling emotionally.
What can I do if my teen is struggling emotionally?
It is common for us to feel angry or at a loss when we see our teen struggling, especially if our teen has emotional outbursts or withdraws socially. Stay calm and think of a way to get our teen to share what is affecting them. These strategies might help our teen to start talking:
What can I do?
- Share our concern and use open-ended questions to ask our teen to share whether a specific incident led to the distress.
- As a start, we may approach them by stating our observation.
Try saying:
What can I do?
- Share our concern and use open-ended questions to ask our teen to share whether a specific incident led to the distress.
- As a start, we may approach them by stating our observation.
Try saying:
What can I do?
- Practice active listening and show acceptance. Avoid judging and listen attentively to what our teen is saying.
- Encourage our teen to describe how they are feeling.
Try saying:
What can I do?
- Practice active listening and show acceptance. Avoid judging and listen attentively to what our teen is saying.
- Encourage our teen to describe how they are feeling.
Try saying:
What can I do?
- Be patient and let our teen know that we are here for them. Sometimes, it can be difficult for them to open up.
- It may be better if we give them space and reassure them that they can reach out to us anytime they need to.
- We could let them know that they can text or write a letter/note based on their preferred communication method.
What can I do?
- Avoid saying things that may seem to belittle what they are going through. Those responses downplay their pain.
What can I do?
- After gaining a better understanding of the issue(s), it is important for us to offer our teen emotional support.
- Remind them that we love them no matter what and that we care.
Try saying:
Avoid saying:
Try saying:
What can I do?
- Be patient and let our teen know that we are here for them. Sometimes, it can be difficult for them to open up.
- It may be better if we give them space and reassure them that they can reach out to us anytime they need to.
- We could let them know that they can text or write a letter/note based on their preferred communication method.
Try saying:
What can I do?
- Avoid saying things that may seem to belittle what they are going through. Those responses downplay their pain.
Avoid saying:
What can I do?
- After gaining a better understanding of the issue(s), it is important for us to offer our teen emotional support.
- Remind them that we love them no matter what and that we care.
Try saying:
We can also reach out using these tips to help us navigate conversations with empathy and care.
When should we seek professional help?
We should not leave our teen alone if they are suicidal. Reach out to any of these 24-hour helplines – Samaritans of Singapore (SOS) at 1-767 (1-SOS) or chat via SOS CareText for support. Alternatively, we can choose to call Institute of Mental Health (IMH) at 6389-2222.
If our teen is in immediate danger, call 995 or 999.
Managing a self-harm relapse
Stopping self-harm can be challenging. Our teen may require some time to adopt effective coping techniques. Sometimes, they may relapse and go back to self-harming when they get overwhelmed with difficult or distressing thoughts and emotions. When a relapse occurs, this is what we can do:
What can we do to help our teen if they are struggling with suicidal tendencies?
If we notice that our teen has engaged in self-harm behaviour (e.g. cutting themself on any parts of the body) or has thoughts about suicide, seek support from a professional like a counsellor or psychologist. Take any mention of suicide seriously.
Our teen might need us now more than ever, and intervention is important to stop someone who’s undergoing a crisis in harming themselves or taking their own lives. We could do the following to de-escalate the situation and keep them safe:
Always prioritise safety first
Seek professional help
Work with our teen and professional to devise a safety plan
Be patient with our teen
Give them hope that things can get better
Go easy with expectations
Encourage them to be kind to themself
Encourage them to practise gratitude
Self-care matters too
It might be very worrying to know that our teen is struggling, but as we care for our teen and juggle our own life demands, it is important that we also care for ourselves to avoid burnout. Visit here to learn tips on how we can better manage our emotions and care for ourselves.
We can consider enlisting help from other adults or family members that our teen trusts, and work with our teen’s teachers and school counsellors to support them.
If at any time we feel that we need emotional or psychological support and would like to speak to someone for further advice or information, please remember, it’s OKAY to reach out. Here are also some helplines that are available for us to reach out.
Social withdrawal
E.g. loss of interest in doing things they used to enjoy, hanging out with close friends or with people they care about.